What Happens When People Write About Race or Gender or the Intersextionality of Those Things?

Originally posted on What a Witch:

If you thought, “It leads to a reasoned discussion of those subjects and everyone learns and grows,” can I please have some of whatever it is you are having? Pretty please? Because it is obviously some extremely good shit.

When #NotAllMen blew up and women replied with #YesAllWomen, one of the main issues the women talking about what pervasive misogyny does to us had to deal with was the vitriolic backlash by men. In order to get tot the factual issue, that being a female in the world is dangerous and that we must be constantly aware of that danger, we had to wade through a river of whining about how much pointing out those simple facts hurt men.

When a Woman of Color pointed out that watching white, gay, males use a stereotypically black voice to entertain themselves and their friends was hurtful and, you know, blatant cultural…

View original 476 more words

By Naomikko

A good advice

When he says
He doesn’t love you anymore,
Roll your shoulders back
And look him in the eye
Even when it feels like your ribs
Are breaking inward, like spider legs.
When he digs up old aches
That he swore he forgave you for,
Smile
And ask him why he didn’t leave you sooner.
Ignore the way the words feel like sandpaper
Running all the way up your throat to your mouth.
When he blames you
For mistakes that wear his face,
Do not scream.
Do not cry.
Tell him that there are boys
Who would be proud to say they’d loved you.
Tell him that in two years
You won’t even remember his name
And don’t let him see the way you can taste your own lie.
When he leaves
Ignore the howling in your blood
And do not get up after him.
Not even to lock the door.
Do not, do not
Do not.
Smell his shirts when you box them up
To give them back.
Not one.
Swear off dating when you realize
You’re chasing ghosts that wear his smile.
It’s okay to cry over him.
It’s even okay to forgive him.
But do not go back to him.
If he did not know how to love you the first time,
He won’t know how to do it the next.

How To Pretend It Doesn’t Hurt, by Ashe Vernon

 

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By Naomikko

Pretty hurts

“Do not try to be pretty. You weren’t meant to be pretty; you were meant to burn down the earth and graffiti the sky. Don’t let anyone ever simplify you to just “pretty.””

Things I Wish My Mother Had Taught Me
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By Naomikko

:(

´ñlnbvnm,.

“…maybe that’s the lesson for me today. to hold on to these simple moments. to appreciate them a little more. there’s not many of them left. i don’t ever want that for you, finding things that make you happy shouldn’t be so hard. i know you’ll face pain, suffering, hard choices, but you can’t let the weight of it choke the joy out of your life. no matter what you have to find the things that love you; run to them. there’s an old saying: that which does not kill you makes you stronger. i don’t believe that. i think the things that try to kill you make you angry and sad. strength comes from the good things: your family, your friends, the satisfaction of hard work. those are the things that keep you whole, those are the things to hold on to when you’re broken.”

~Jax Teller, Sons of Anarchy

By Naomikko

tumblr_mzvh6dZRI31sktp8ko1_r1_500Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.
Dennis P. Kimbro

By Naomikko

Drinking 3 Litres of Water/Day Make you Look Ten Years Younger

After years of suffering headaches and poor digestion Sarah Smith spoke to a neurologist about regular headaches as well as a nutritionist about poor digestion. Both told her she should be drinking up to three litres of liquid a day for my body to function at its best. This is what happened after 4 weeks of drinking 3 litres of water daily.

before-after-hydratex481

Not drinking enough means all these functions become impaired. Failing to drink enough water can even make your grey matter shrink, making it harder to think, experts have warned.
Sarah 3 litres of water every day for 28 days. The results were astonishing…

Sarah comments:
I genuinely can’t believe the difference in my face. I look like a different woman. The dark shadows around my eyes have all but disappeared and the blotches have gone. My skin is almost as dewy as it was when I was a child. The transformation is nothing short of remarkable.

I’m feeling leaner and fitter, too, which is amazing, since the only thing I’ve changed is the amount of water I drink. My best friend says she’s worried about how much water I’m consuming – she’s heard rumours about Nigella Lawson being an ‘aquaholic’ who drinks three litres before bed.

But I am following safe guidelines under the supervision of my GP, so I am able to reassure her.

I even enjoy another boozy night out but drink lots of water along the way and wake up feeling fresh as a daisy. Whatever happens, I am going to keep on drinking three litres of water a day – and would advise every woman to do the same (after checking with her doctor, of course).

I feel fitter, leaner and healthier, and my husband and friends tell me I look ten years younger. Who in their right mind would not want to try something which gets such incredible results?

How do you know you are dehydrated?
People generally refer to dehydration as a reduction in body water below normal levels. The first thing you’ll probably experience is thirst. There is not a real precise relationship to how thirsty you feel and how dehydrated you are. Usually when you get the sensation of thirst, you’re already somewhat dehydrated. You may get a headache. You may feel dryness of the mouth. If you are exercising or changing posture, you could feel dizzy. If you are in hot weather or exercising in the heat, you may feel hotter. Your skin may feel warmer. You would be urinating less frequently and smaller volumes, so your urine would be dark in color because it would be more concentrated.

There is also some evidence that both your physical and mental performance capabilities decrease as a result of dehydration. You may not be as sharp in terms of some of the types of complex cognitive functions that you have to do. So there are a variety of symptoms.

How can dehydration affect one’s health?
Acute dehydration will increase your risk of heat exhaustion and heat stroke. [Heat exhaustion causes heavy sweating, fainting and vomiting, and heat stroke occurs when the body temperature rises to 106F or above.] Although it is not as well studied, there is evidence that shows that chronic dehydration can have a variety of different affects on chronic diseases, including urinary tract infections, and kidney stones and gallstones. Some evidence indicates that dehydration may be related to susceptibility to bladder and colon cancer. But that evidence is not real strong.

What are common causes of dehydration?
Many types of stress will cause under-drinking and lead to dehydration. Heat exposure and exercise are common causes. When you exercise, a normal response is to sweat to regulate your body temperature. You lose body water because you sweat more. And if you’re exercising in hot weather, you have a greater requirement for sweating because you depend more on evaporation of sweat for body cooling. As a result, people can become dehydrated from physical exercise, particularly physical exercise in the heat.

Source : http://preventdisease.com/news/14/062314_Drinking-3L-Water-Per-Day-Woman-Ten-Years-Younger.shtml

By Naomikko

    “It’s a metaphor, see: You put the killing thing right between your teeth, but you don’t give it the power to do its killing.”-John  Green (The fault in our stars)

By Naomikko

Fears

“I tell people not to be afraid of their fears; because their fears are not there to scare them, they’re there to let them know that something is worth it. Yet I am often afraid. I guess that means in my life, lots of things have been worth it!”

― C. JoyBell C
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   It’s a good thing to be afraid,it shows you what really matters and why you should be thankful for.Your fears show the things you love, the things that count and of course , they show who you really are. Embrace them,but don’t give them the power to control you and your life.
By Naomikko

Cei mai multi dintre noi, prada impresiei bune pe care o avem despre propria noastra persoana, nu credem ca putem deveni prea usor victimele artizanilor manipularii. Dar lucrurile stau cu totul pe dos. Încercarile de manipulare vin tot timpul, de pretutindeni. Si cele mai usoare victime sunt cei care nu vor sa creada…

By Naomikko

 

În accepţiunea mea, cuvântul scorpie nu se referă la o femeie insensibilă sau meschină. Pe întreg cuprinsul acestei cărţi, am folosit termenul de
scorpie în sens ironic. Semnificaţia cuvântului se vrea a fi una satirică şi nu trebuie luată prea în serios. Eu folosesc termenul pentru a desemna o femeie puternică, cu o identitate proprie perfect conturată şi care se simte confortabil în pielea ei.Este o femeie care îşi impune în termeni clari şi categorici ce acceptă şi ce nu acceptă.Este o femeie care se va retrage fără ezitare la cea mai mică manifestare de lipsă de respect, atitudine care în ochii unui bărbat înseamnă un plus de atracţie, şi în niciun caz un minus.


Sherry Argov, De ce bărbaţii se însoară cu scorpii

By Naomikko

https://www.paulekman.com/webisodes/

 

1. Forgiveness and Anger
Transcript

Paul Ekman (introduction): Two important concepts are clarified: forgiveness and anger. We start with the question of how we can forgive and still hold people responsible for their actions, for they could have chosen not to do that. The Dalai Lama makes clear how we can maintain forgiveness and yet believe in free will in the choice that we all have not to do harm but to do good. Then I take some of his previous writings to justify how anger can be nonafflictive, but constructive, and he agrees. This was the last few minutes of our second session.

Dalai Lama: Yes.

Ekman: Now, if I have choice, then if I act in a way that harms others, why do you forgive me for doing so? I could have chosen not to.

Dalai Lama:Hm. I will answer, If you keep that sort of grudge…

Ekman: Yes.

Dalai Lama: If you keep grudge, then you’ll get more suffering.

Ekman: Yes.

Dalai Lama: If you give forgiveness, then you feel more… more relieved.

Ekman: Oh. So, it’s good for you.

Dalai Lama: Yes!

Ekman: It is good for the person who forgives, but does it not remove responsibility…?

Dalai Lama: No, no, for example—I’ll give an example. Now we mentally give forgiveness to the Chinese. That means we try to… not to keep negative feeling towards them, because of their wrong deeds, but that does not mean we accept it, what they’ve done. So, this spirit of forgiveness against them, as far as their action is concerned.

Ekman: Explain a little more. I am just on the edge of understanding.

Dalai Lama: Oh. Forgiveness, I feel, means not to forget what they have done. But forgiveness means do not keep your negative feeling towards them. So, as far as their action is concerned, sometimes you should use your intelligence. You deliberately have to take countermeasure, but without negative feeling.

Ekman: Can you take it away from the Chinese for a moment?

Dalai Lama: Laughs.

Ekman: Because, whoever it is, if they act in a harmful fashion, and they had free choice and they chose to act in that way, you forgive them, but do you also condemn their actions?

Dalai Lama: Oh, yes.

Ekman: Yes?

Dalai Lama: Yes!

Ekman: It’s a wrong action.

Dalai Lama: Yes!

Ekman: An unethical, immoral action.

Dalai Lama: Yes—if your side is honest! Then, must criticize.

Ekman: This, I think, is what is in the West misunderstood about the Buddhist view. They believe that the forgiving means you don’t hold them responsible for having acted wrongly. If you don’t hold them responsible, how will they learn and change?

Dalai Lama: That’s right. Oh, that’s right. Usually, you see, I make the distinction, “after an action.”

Ekman: Yes.

Dalai Lama: Where action is concerned, you have to oppose. You have to stop; you have to try to stop. Even use a bit harsh method. You know? But, as far as actor is concerned, you should not develop negative feeling and should keep a more compassionate attitude. Now, that, we ourselves, you see, we often do that. When I make something, a mistake, to you, then later, I have to, later I will say…

Geshe Thupten Jinpa (translator): Confess.

Dalai Lama: …some kind of confess Oh, confession, right.

Ekman: Yes.

Dalai Lama: “Sorry.” I apologize. So at that time, I make distinction. I myself now feel that’s wrong, wrong action. But wrong action, you never… Still, you believe wrong action is wrong, that action is wrong.

Ekman: Okay. Very important.

Dalai Lama: So I recognize that action is wrong, but that does not mean I’m still doing that. So I apologize. This moment, I make a distinction betweenmy previous action and myself.

Ekman: If I accept your apology, then I am recognizing that you and your action are not identical.

Dalai Lama:Yes, that’s right.

Ekman: And so this leads us right into the heart of anger. Because when you wrote about this—when I first read it, I think in Ethics for a New Millennium—you said that you use force to stop the action and compassion for the actor.

Dalai Lama: Yes.

Ekman: That, I believe, is a description of constructive anger. Which means that if we accept your view of that, we then have to say anger can be constructive.

Dalai Lama: Yes.

Ekman: Yes. You agree?

Dalai Lama: Now, hear, you see, that anger towards that action. Not the person.

Ekman: It does not try to hurt the person.

Dalai Lama: Yes, yes, that is right.

Ekman: But stops the action.

Dalai Lama: Towards person, towards actor: compassion. Towards action: anger.

Ekman: Even from a practical viewpoint, leave aside everything else, they’ll never change if you try to hurt them. Only if you have compassion for them, will they stop acting…

Dalai Lama: Oh, yes, that’s right!

Ekman: …in a harmful way.

Dalai Lama: That’s right!

Ekman: So, just if you did not have any concern for ethics, just for practical consequences, this is the right tack.

Dalai Lama: Yes. Very good. Very nice words—useful meaning.

Both: Laughter.

 

http://emotionalawareness.net/EmotionalAwareness.pdfhttp://emotionalawareness.net/EmotionalAwareness.pdf

 

 

By Naomikko